


everything about you is so overwhelming

by bi_lovely



Series: we're secretly out of control [4]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Enjolras, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Feelings, M/M, Pining, Top Grantaire, a lil bit of body worship, be proud of me pls, blossoming combeferre/courfeyrac, bottom!jolras, combeferre and courfeyrac being the parents we all know they are, enjolras is such a little dork, enjolras makes really shit decisions too, enjolras’ perspective, everything is a mess but we love our gays anyway, guys i wrote this in about 36 hours, i need constant validation, it’s not just grantaire who doesn’t know how to handle life, surprise this series is back, top!taire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:26:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9459185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_lovely/pseuds/bi_lovely
Summary: “I was drunk as shit and I asked Grantaire to fuck me. A lot. And he said he didn’t want to have sex with me, okay? Is that enough for you? Do you really need me to give more detail? Because I’ve got to be honest, I’d really rather not relive those memories.”OrGrantaire is not the only one who makes terrible decisions. Enjolras does his fair share of fucking shit up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "overwhelming" by jon bellion
> 
> It has been all of 36 (maybe ???) hours since I posted the final part of this series from R's perspective and said that I would EVENTUALLY come back and write it all from E's perspective,,,
> 
> Well here we are. 
> 
> I wish I had made this a little more different from the original, but I feel like there's definitely a good amount of things in there, a couple of nice little "aha!" moments, and all the smut and angst that you loved the first time around of course. The other two will be MUCH different from their corresponding one shots, I promise.
> 
> So anyway enjoy :)
> 
> (if you would like to apply to edit my future fanfictions and work with me, give me some second opinions, and help me out in places where I need to touch up the story then please copy and paste the link below to fill out the application form  
> https://goo.gl/forms/MjwceEHAhTdcp2Xf2 )

It was stupid. It was really, really,  _ really _ stupid and Enjolras knew that he should care that it was stupid but he didn't. 

Okay, that was a lie. He did care. He always cared about everything. He was pretty much incapable of not caring.

But yeah, he knew that he shouldn't care about being a "normal" university student, whatever the hell that even meant. He knew he shouldn't feel like he was letting his university years pass him by because he did important work, he organized big protests and rallies and made a lot of money through fundraisers for the causes he believed in!

Sometimes he just wanted to get drunk and have a one night stand like everybody else, though. So when Courfeyrac announced that he was going to a frat party on a Saturday night late in September and jokingly suggested that Enjolras join him (because he knew the Enjolras never attended such things). 

To Courfeyrac’s very great surprise, Enjolras agreed. 

“I — I don’t — was that sarcasm?” Courfeyrac had stammered. “I’m usually very good at catching sarcasm. I’m  _ fluent  _ in sarcasm. And that didn’t  _ sound  _ like sarcasm but — but it had to be, right?”

“No,” Enjolras shook his head. “I’m going to this party.”

And to Courfeyrac’s very great surprise, not only did Enjolras show up to the frat party, he also drank…  _ a lot.  _

“Enj, maybe — maybe slow it down a little, yeah?” Combeferre put a hand on Enjolras’ shoulder. 

“Shut up!” Enjolras laughed. “I’m having fun! I’m have  _ fun,  _ how new is that! How  _ great is that! _ ”

Combeferre laughed. “Yeah, it’s great. Can you even walk?”

“Pfft,  _ yeah! _ ” Enjolras hopped of the stool he was sat on, swayed on the spot and stuck his arms out to steady himself. “Ta-da!”

Combeferre chuckled. “Yeah, okay, now  _ walk. _ ”

Enjolras quirked one eyebrow upward and took three slow steps backward. “See? I can walk  _ backwards  _ — ha!”

Combeferre clapped his hands slowly. “Good job, good job.” 

“Ooh, look!” Enjolras exclaimed. “Grantaire is here!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Combeferre jumped up and grabbed Enjolras by the arm. “Maybe  _ that’s  _ not such a good idea while you’re so drunk. What with your —”

“I’m  _ fine! _ ” Enjolras shouted and he went stumbling toward Grantaire. He pushed the thoughts of his feelings out of his mind, didn’t dare to go there while he was so drunk he’d say just about anything. 

Then again, was that such a bad thing? After, all —

_ No!  _ It would be a  _ very  _ bad thing!

“Grantaire!” he shouted to get Grantaire’s attention. “What’re you doing here?”

Enjolras shot a crooked grin Grantaire’s way when the brunet spotted him. He walked up to him and placed both of his knees on the couch on either side of Grantaire's lap, sinking down onto his lap. 

_ Is this a good idea?  _ Enjolras thought to himself, then he ran his hands over Grantaire’s shoulders with a smile.  _ Yeah, it is. _

"Um, Enjolras?" Grantaire said. 

"Yep, that's me," Enjolras giggled.

_ Oh,  _ wow,  _ that was annoying,  _ he thought. 

"What're you doing?" Grantaire asked.

"I came over to say hi to you, silly goose." Enjolras tapped Grantaire's nose playfully then wrapped his arms around Grantaire's neck. "Is that okay with you?"

"Uh, yeah," Grantaire said. "Um, Enj?"

"Mm?" Enjolras said but he wasn’t really paying attention because he was curling Grantaire's dark hair around his fingertips and admiring the way the black looked in contrast with his pale skin.

"Have you been drinking?"

"Sure have," Enjolras smiled. 

He had had  _ so  _ much to drink. It was really starting to really hit him now. He was starting to feel dizzy and couldn’t quite stay up straight so he leaned heavily on Grantaire. There was a loud buzzing that seemed to be coming from the insides of his ears and he couldn’t quite make out everything Grantaire was saying, or even everything that  _ he  _ was saying, so he really hoped that he wasn’t saying anything especially stupid. 

_ Wait a second!  _ Was Grantaire  _ judging him  _ for  _ drinking? _

"Don't get all judgy-wudgy with me me about a little alcohol, 'Taire. All you ever do is drink." Enjolras accused.

"I'm sorry, did you just say '  _ judgy-wudgy  _ '?" Grantaire asked with a disbelieving look on his face right before he started to cough uncontrollably, and Enjolras looked at him suspiciously because he was too drunk to tell if Grantaire was coughing or laughing. 

"Sure did," Enjolras nodded and he huffed a little. "Come on, Grantaire. Come have a drink with me."

"I think you've had enough to drink," Grantaire raised his eyebrows.

"Well, you haven't," Enjolras said. He noticed the half drunken bottle of beer that was in Grantaire’s hand and tilted his head a little bit. "Go on, finish it off."

"What if I don't want to?" Grantaire asked and really now, was that a challenge? Was Grantaire challenging him?

"Do it," Enjolras laughed at the thought of Grantaire  _ challenging  _ him. "Come on."

"I feel peer pressured," Grantaire said and Enjolras came close to scoffing because that was just about the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard in his entire life.

But he was plastered, so instead of making a comeback he just raised the bottle to Grantaire's mouth, prodded his lips insistently. Grantaire wrapped his lips around the neck obediently and drank the beer as Enjolras tipped the bottle back, and oh dear  _ god,  _ he was hot. 

Enjolras wanted him so badly it hurt and it was so stupid because all he and Grantaire ever did when they were together was fight. They could never agree on anything, but holy shit, he wanted him. 

Enjolras wanted Grantaire in every way imaginable. He wanted to fuck him until neither of them could remember the outside world, he wanted to kiss every inch of him, he wanted to take him out for dates and hold his hand, and he wanted to fall asleep at night with Grantaire’s arm wrapped around him and more than anything he wanted to  _ tell  _ Grantaire all of that.

He really was too drunk, and it was becoming more and more obvious by the second, especially considering he started to grind down against Grantaire. 

"Enjolras, what're you —"

"I want you, Grantaire," Enjolras blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Um," Grantaire blinked. "Excuse me?"

Enjolras put his mouth against Grantaire’s ear. He threw caution to the wind. "I want you to take me to your bed or my bed or any fucking bed and I want you to hold me down and fuck me until I —"

"Okay, I'm going to need you to stop right there," Grantaire said and he pushed him away so that he wasn’t so close.

Enjolras swayed, grabbing onto Grantaire’s shoulders so that he didn’t fall off the couch.

"Enjolras, you're really drunk," Grantaire said. "I don't know what you were thinking, but you've had too much to drink. I'm taking you back to your dorm. Come on, get —"

"Would you please shut the hell up?" Enjolras glared at Grantaire. Now he was just pissed. Grantaire had no right to tell him he was being stupid what with all of the reckless things Grantaire did every day of his life. Always drunk, constantly missing class — he had no right at all. "And stop with the double standards. You get blackout drunk all the time. All of you, you all get wasted, and what about me? I have a beer, or maybe a glass of wine, and that's it. Then I make sure everyone gets home safe, I go back to my dorm, I do my homework, and I put together rallies and petitions and I sleep for a few hours and that's it. That's all I ever do."

"Enjol—"

"No, just  _ listen to me!  _ " Enjolras snapped. Why wasn’t anyone listening to what he had to say tonight? "For once in my life I want to get so drunk I don't remember any of this in the morning! I want to be so hungover that I'm late for class on fucking  _ Monday!  _ I want to wake up sore tomorrow morning because I let someone fuck me so hard and so rough and just let them fucking  _ use  _ me, I want —"

"Okay, Enj, but people are staring," Grantaire hissed. "You're upset, I get it, but let's go back to your dorm, okay?"

"I just want to be a college student for one night," Enjolras whined and he pushed his face up against Grantaire’s neck. "I want to be normal for one fucking night."

"Okay," Grantaire nodded. "You will be, okay? We'll — I don't know — just come on. Please."

Enjolras looked at him, bottom lip stuck out in a pout. "You'll stay with me tonight?" he asked desperately. 

"Yes," Grantaire nodded.

Enjolras sighed, sort of relieved, then nodded. "Okay, let's go." He slid off of Grantaire's lap, only to fall to the floor.

"Jesus Christ,” Enjolras was pretty sure he heard Grantaire say, and the next thing he knew Grantaire was pulling him off the floor and onto his feet. "Come on, let's get you home,” Grantaire sighed.

Enjolras stared dreamily into Grantaire’s eyes for a moment. "With you," he giggled (why was he giggling so much, anyway? He didn’t ever giggle!) while he let Grantaire pull him through the house, navigating the sea of sweaty university students.

"Yeah, with me," Grantaire said. 

"'Ey! Enj'ras! Gr'taire!" Joly stumbled toward Enjolras and Grantaire. "Where're ya goin'?!"

"Shit, I thought Enjolras was drunk, but look at you, Joly," Grantaire said.

Joly smirked lazily. "Yer a funny man, 'Taire."

"Thanks," Grantaire said. "I've got to get Enjolras back to his dorm. He's not feeling well."

Enjolras scoffed. What was Grantaire on about?

"Looks fine to me," Joly raised his eyebrows.

"I am fine!" Enjolras yelled.

"See? Told you!" Joly yelled too.

"He's lying," Grantaire accused.

"Am not!" Enjolras snapped. "But we're going back to my dorm to sleep together! Isn't that ex—"

"Okay!" Grantaire said. "I think it's time for you to shut up now! Let's go! Goodbye!"

"Ye, boys! Go get it!" Joly shouted after them and Grantaire walked a little faster as all the eyes around them turned in their direction.

***

"Combeferre won't be back for hours," Enjolras said as he and Grantaire were stumbling into his dorm room. Enjolras shut the door behind himself and leaned against it, running one hand through his blond hair. "He might not even be home 'til morning, you know how he likes to stay places to just watch Courf all night long. I swear to god if the two of them don't fuck soon they're going to explode."

"Do you still have that little coffee machine in here?" was Grantaire’s response and Enjolras couldn’t deny that pissed him off more than just a little bit.

"Why?" Enjolras tilted his head to the side.

"Because you need some black coffee to sober you up," Grantaire said as if that were totally obvious.

"No!" Enjolras growled, slammed his fist against the door, making him jump a little as he surprised even himself. "Did you listen to anything I said?! I want to be hungover! I want to be sore! I want to be normal! Listen to me, Grantaire!"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Grantaire said. "Calm down, okay? I'm listening."

"You're listening," Enjolras repeated back to him.

"Yes," Grantaire nodded slowly and he sighed. He sat down on Enjolras's bed, and reached out one arm toward Enjolras. "Come here."

"Yeah?" Enjolras raised one eyebrow and he felt like the clouds were opening up and the sun was shining down on him because maybe — just maybe — Grantaire wanted him too.

"You need to sleep," Grantaire sighed.

And there were the clouds again. 

"Sleep?" Enjolras in utter disbelief.

"Yes." Grantaire nodded.

How many times was Enjolras going to have to repeat himself before Grantaire got the memo? This was getting out of hand.

"Oh, no," Enjolras shook his head. He was desperate —  _ really  _ fucking desperate, now — for Grantaire to just understand. "No sleep."

"Yes sleep," Grantaire raised his eyebrows.

"No," Enjolras shook his head again. "How many times do I have to say it, 'Taire?" He asked while he ground down against Grantaire's crotch.

"Ah," Grantaire hissed.

"Come on, Grantaire, you know you want to," Enjolras said. He hoped Grantaire wanted to. He  _ needed  _ him to want this too. He kissed his neck with a smile. "Come on, it'll be so good. Please, please, please."

"Enjolras, you're drunk," Grantaire said.

_ What the fuck?  _ was the only coherent sentence that Enjolras could string together in his mind and he wasn’t totally sure if he’d kept it in his head or if he had said out loud. But seriously, what the actual fuck? Did Grantaire think that Enjolras didn’t  _ know  _ that he was drunk? Obviously he was drunk! If he wasn’t drunk then he wouldn’t have had the courage to say or do any of this.

"I don't want to do anything that you'll regret when you wake up in the morning,” Grantaire explained, “I won't do anything that you wouldn't want when you're sober. I won't take advantage of you."

_ Oh.  _ Enjolras thought to himself.  _ Well, fuck.  _

Sometimes he wondered to himself how he had ended up head over heels in love with  _ Grantaire  _ of all people. The man was cynical, a little hypocritical, and half the time his arguments against whatever Enjolras had to say were complete bullshit. How Enjolras had ended up with this ridiculous crush was beyond him half the time. 

But then there were moments like these when Grantaire wasn’t cynical or harsh or sarcastic. He just  _ cared.  _ He wanted the best for everyone around him, and damn his own needs. 

Enjolras could see it in his eyes, how Grantaire felt like this was some sort of assault. 

"I see the way you're looking at me," Enjolras spoke barely above a whisper, breathing heavily against Grantaire's cheek. His heart was racing because he honestly felt like he could confess his undying love right here, right now. "Like I'm someone in a bar who's drunk out of their mind, who doesn't know what's going on or what you're doing, who you're forcing yourself onto."

Maybe he was wrong —  _ maybe  _ that wasn’t what Grantaire was thinking at all.

"Enjolras, you need some sleep —"

But he was pretty damn sure that it was.

Enjolras leaned his forehead against Grantaire's forehead and looked into his eyes as he spoke. He wanted to say something deep, heartfelt, make Grantaire see how he was mistaken in his insecurities. Instead he reached down between their bodies and tugged at the zipper of Grantaire's jeans.

Grantaire reacted quickly, grabbing onto Enjolras’ hand and Enjolras wanted to groan miserably. 

"That is not what this is, Grantaire," Enjolras said in the most serious tone he could manage with his hand halfway undoing Grantaire’s pants and declarations of love running around in his brain. "I'm not so drunk I don't know what's happening and you're not coming onto me, I'm coming onto you. I want this — I need this — I'm asking for this, okay?"

"I'm still not so sure that it's a good idea," Grantaire said. "You're really fucking drunk, Enj."

"I want this, Grantaire, do you understand me?" Enjolras growled. 

Enjolras honestly couldn’t comprehend what the big deal was. People had drunken sex all the time, right? It was a normal college student thing to do and that was what he was aiming for, right?

"I fucking want this,” Enjolras huffed. He wanted it right now, in that particular moment, more than anything else. “How else do you want me to put it? I consent, okay, is that what you want to hear me say?"

"I —"

"I consent to you fucking the everliving shit out of me until I'm so out of it that I can't hear or see or smell or feel anything but you," Enjolras hissed, tearing his wrist out of Grantaire's tight hold on it to tug on Grantaire's hair.

"That's not what I'm worried about, Enj," Grantaire frowned. 

Enjolras couldn’t even begin to imagine what else there was to be worried about. It hurt his brain to think about it. 

"I don't think for a second that you would do anything that you don't want to do right now, in this moment,” Grantaire sighed and  _ that  _ pissed Enjolras off, maybe more than anything else that had been said all evening, because if Grantaire knew that he wanted this then why the hell weren’t they already doing it? “but I do think that you're so drunk that you'll do whatever feels good right now even if it'll hurt you later. I know how that feels, Enjolras, so take it from me. I know what it's like to get so drunk that you just want what you want and you want it now but when you wake up you're going to feel like shit."

"I don't care." Enjolras shook his head. "I really don't." 

_ Please believe me, please believe me, please please please! _

"I know you don't," Grantaire frowned. "But you will."

Enjolras sighed heavily and resigned himself to the fact that Grantaire just didn’t want to do this, didn’t want  _ him.  _ And why should he? If anything, Grantaire was the smart one here. All two of them ever did was fight Enjolras knew how stupid it was to want Grantaire so badly.

But he did. He wanted him in spite of all that.

"If you want this,” Enjolras said, “then believe me and just fucking do it because I want this. But if you don't want this, then just say it."

_ Just say it. Just say you don’t want me. Just rip my heart of my chest and tear it up and leave it on the floor right in front of my face. _

Grantaire huffed. "Fine, Enjolras. Fine."

Enjolras smiled, dared to hope for a fraction of a second.

"I don't want this."

"What?" Enjolras said but he wasn’t surprised at all. He tried to tell himself that since he wasn’t surprised, then he shouldn’t be upset, and maybe that was true but he was upset anyway. 

"I don't want this." Grantaire repeated.

"Oh," Enjolras said because he couldn’t think of anything better to say. "Oh. Okay. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have — I —" he slid off of Grantaire's lap and sat down on the bed beside him. "I'm sorry, 'Taire, I shouldn't have just assumed that —"

"It's fine," Grantaire said. He looked kind of sorry and that’s not at all what Enjolras wanted. "Really, it’s fine."

"Okay," Enjolras said. "That's — uh — good."

Grantaire nodded. "You should sleep."

"Yeah," Enjolras nodded. "You should go."

"Enjolras —"

"Just go. Please."

Grantaire stared at him for several seconds, then huffed, got to his feet. "Okay. Yeah. Whatever you say."

Grantaire stood there for a solid thirty seconds, maybe waiting for some kind of reply or a goodbye, but Enjolras didn't say anything. He couldn’t trust his brain right now, had no clue what might come out of his mouth if he dared to trust his drunken brain. 

Grantaire left without another word and Enjolras watched him go, pulling his knees up and hugging them to his chest. He did his best to swallow the lump in his throat, but it just wouldn’t go away. He blinked fast when tears stung his eyes, shaking his head. 

“I’m a fucking idiot,” he hissed. “Oh god, I’m such an idiot.”

Tears dripped down his face and he laughed bitterly. 

“I’m so  _ stupid! _ ” He screamed at the same time the door opened and Combeferre walked in, eyebrows raised. 

“Erm — are you?” Combeferre said, totally lost as to what was going on.

“I — I fucked up, ‘Ferre,” Enjolras groaned miserably, flopping down against his pillows. “I really fucking fucked up.”

“I — I don’t — okay?” Combeferre frowned. “Um, Joly told me you left the party with Grantaire? And he said that you told him that you were going to have — well — you know the crazy shit that Joly comes up with when he’s drunk.”

Enjolras didn’t answer his roommate.

“Joly  _ was  _ just coming up with crazy shit because he’s drunk…  _ right, Enjolras? _ ” Combeferre sat down on the edge of Enjolras’ bed and looked down at him with raised eyebrows.

Enjolras sniffed. “I fucked up.”

“Oh my god, Enjolras. Oh my  _ god. _ ”

***

The first thing Enjolras thought upon waking up the next morning was that Combeferre had the volume on his phone turned way too far up because Enjolras could hear everything Courfeyrac was saying through the speaker and his head  _ hurt.  _

“‘Ferre, I’m too drunk for all this information you’re throwing my way.”

“Ugh!”

“Okay, okay. Just get over here so Enj can explain it, yeah?”

“I don’t wanna get out of bed, though…”

“Come on, Courf.”

“I’m so warm, though.”

“For Enjolras.”

“Ugh.”

“For me?”

“Oh…  _ fine! _ ”

Enjolras groaned into his pillow. 

Those two needed to make out already. (And have sex.)

“Okay, see you soon,” Combeferre said and quickly hung up. “Enj? How’re you feeling?”

“Shitty.”

“Understandable.”

Enjolras didn’t reply. He turned to lay on his back. He stared up at the ceiling and massaged his temple. 

He felt like he was going to cry…  _ again.  _ He had absolutely no shot with Grantaire now, he’d ruined it all. 

_ Not like you had a shot before anyway,  _ a small voice in his head rudely reminded him. Which, okay, true. 

When the loud knocks sounded on the door, Enjolras thought that Courfeyrac had gotten there very fast for someone who had been exceedingly reluctant to get out of bed all of ten minutes ago. He also thought Courfeyrac just  _ really  _ wanted to see Combeferre.

_ Just date already, for fuck’s sake.  _

“Hey, Enj,” Courfeyrac said, patting Enjolras’ shoulder before going to sit with Combeferre on the other side of the small room. “I’m here to fix all of your relationship problems. Lay it on me, my dude.”

“You can’t have relationship problems without first having a relationship,” Enjolras said. 

“You know what I meant,” Courfeyrac rolled his eyes.

“I fucked shit up with Grantaire,” Enjolras said and draped his arm over his eyes. “That’s all you need to know. That’s all there is to it.”

“What happened?” Courfeyrac asked. 

“Combeferre knows all about it,” Enjolras said. “He can explain.”

“Enjolras, come  _ on, _ ” Courfeyrac sighed.

Enjolras huffed, sat straight up and looked right at Courfeyrac. “I was drunk as shit and I asked Grantaire to fuck me.  _ A lot.  _ And he said he didn’t want to have sex with me, okay? Is that enough for you? Do you really need me to give more detail? Because I’ve got to be honest, I’d really rather not relive those memories.”

Courfeyrac was quiet. 

“Enj,” Combeferre said, “it’s almost one in the afternoon.”

Usually that would bother Enjolras. He would deem the day wasted. But not that day. That day, he just wanted to go back to sleep. 

“How about we all go get some lunch?” Combeferre suggested. 

“Ooh, can we get Chipotle?” Courfeyrac suggested eagerly. 

Combeferre laughed. “Sure, we can get Chipotle. What do you say, Enj?”

“You two go on,” Enjolras sighed. “I’m going to stay here, I think,” he added before pulling the blanket over his head.

It was a little while before Enjolras heard Combeferre and Courfeyrac get out of bed and head out to lunch and he really did his best to fall asleep so he could just  _ forget  _ about all his shit he had going on, but all the shit he had going on and running around and around and around in his head was only keeping him awake.

Oh, what he wouldn’t give to forget for just a little while. 

***

When Combeferre and Courfeyrac returned hours later, Enjolras found himself being dragged out of the dorm to another crazy frat party.    
  
“Why, though?” Enjolras asked Courfeyrac.

“It’ll be good for you,” Courfeyrac insisted, though Enjolras didn’t see how that was true. “Get blackout drunk and forget all of this ever happened.”

“That’s a  _ terrible  _ idea,” Combeferre furrowed his brow. “Getting drunk was what caused this whole shitstorm in the first place. How can getting drunk again be the answer to the problem?”

Combeferre was a hundred percent right on this, Enjolras was sure of it, but still Enjolras found himself saying, “Courfeyrac’s got a point. I really want to just forget it all for a while.”

“Enjolras, that is —” Combeferre started to say, but looking at Enjolras and Courfeyrac about to walk out the door he realized there was no way he was going to change their minds so he sighed, got close to Courfeyrac and said very quietly, “You don’t let him out of your sight, you hear me? Promise me, Courf.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die!” Courfeyrac beamed, and to his credit he did well for…  _ a while.  _ But he was drunk and Enjolras was drunk and Courfeyrac was  _ this close  _ to getting into a fist fight with Montparnasse and Enjolras spotted Grantaire and it was all downhill from there.

"Hey," Enjolras said with a crooked smile and Grantaire froze, bottle halfway tipped toward his mouth. 

"Hey," Grantaire echoed.

"You wanna get out of here?" Enjolras asked hopefully, and wait a second, that wasn’t at all what he had meant to ask. Grantaire had already turned him down once, so why would he agree now? 

But then Grantaire said, "God, yes," in this breathless sort of way that made Enjolras just  _ melt  _ and Enjolras was taking him by the hand and leading him toward the door, out onto the lawn, toward the courtyard that wasn't too far away.

"Where're we going?" Grantaire asked.

"My dorm!" Enjolras grinned and Grantaire, to Enjolras’ surprise, returned the grin in kind. 

Enjolras dragged him all the way to his dorm building, up a flight of stairs, into his room. He slammed the door behind them and sighed in relief when he saw that Combeferre had gone out, probably to find Courfeyrac, and he probably should have shot a text warning them not to come to the dorm their way but he was drunk and a little stupid and _ Grantaire’s hands were all over him. _

"You're drunk, 'Taire," Enjolras said, leaning back against the door and trying to catch his breath. He said it in a hopeful sort of way.

"Yep," Grantaire nodded. "So are you."

"Yeah, I am," Enjolras agreed.

"Do you still wanna —"

"Mhm."

"Let's do it."

"Oh god, really?" Enjolras beamed. He couldn’t even believe what he was hearing after everything that had been said the night before. 

"I want to feel you, Enj." Grantaire reached for him and pulled him in toward him. "Want you."

"I want you, too," Enjolras said breathlessly.

Grantaire grinned, steering Enjolras around to push him down on his own bed.

"You're so fucking sexy, you know that?" Enjolras watched Grantaire closely as the brunet undid his jeans slowly. He  _ was  _ so sexy… So beautiful. "I know you think I never look at you like that but trust me, I do, 'Taire. You're so gorgeous."

_ Please, believe me. _

"I didn't think you looked at me at all," Grantaire admitted as he began to peel the skinny jeans off of Enjolras' legs.

"I do," Enjolras whispered.

_ You have no idea how much I look at you, Grantaire, no idea at all.  _

Grantaire smiled, looking a little bashful. "Good. Great," he said and he dipped his fingers below the waistband of Enjolras' briefs,  then dragging them slowly over his thighs.

Enjolras licked his lips in anticipation. He was impatient, he’d waited long enough for this to happen,  _ longed  _ for this for long enough. "C'mon, Grantaire."

"What, Enj?" Grantaire tilted his head.

"Hurry the fuck up," Enjolras hissed.

"You need to be patient," Grantaire said.

Enjolras made a low noise that he hoped said, “No, I won’t be patient.”

Grantaire discarded the underwear before slipping his fingers into Enjolras’ mouth and Enjolras licked at them eagerly. He smirked around Grantaire’s fingers as he sucked lightly on them, reveling in the little noise that came from the back of Grantaire’s throat. 

"You're fucking pushy, you know that?" Grantaire raised his eyebrows and pulled his fingers away from Enjolras and Enjolras tried to follow them.

"Yeah," Enjolras huffed.

Grantaire narrowed his eyes at Enjolras. "Sit up," he said and he sounded very  _ commanding  _ and Enjolras certainly  _ liked it.  _

Enjolras obeyed Grantaire without a second thought. He smiled a little when Grantaire pulled his shirt over his head and threw it to join Enjolras’ underwear on the floor.

"Okay, lay back down," Grantaire said. He pressed Enjolras into the pillows in an exceedingly gentle fashion — not that he needed to be gentle, and not that he needed to do anything at all aside from tell Enjolras what to do, he would have done it without a question. Grantaire leaned over him then, biting along his jaw, moving downward to suck on his neck.

"Careful! Don’t do it where it’ll be visible!" Enjolras shrieked before he could stop himself, before he could think that  _ maybe  _ that’s not what he wanted to screech at his longtime crush during sex. 

Grantaire looked him in the eyes, head tilted, one eyebrow cocked, and dear god, that was sexy. He could have asked for anything then, Enjolras would have given him the world. 

Granted, Grantaire could ask for anything at any given time, no matter how he looked, and Enjolras would probably give him the world. 

"What happened to not caring?” Grantaire asked with a tiny, sexy little smirk. “What happened to being reckless and stupid?"

"Well, I never said anything about being stupid," Enjolras muttered even though he was pretty sure he had, and he didn’t object any further. 

"Oh, my dearest Apollo, how could I have ever denied you?" Grantaire murmured against Enjolras' skin.

"Why do you always call me that?" Enjolras laughed, but stopped laughing very suddenly, almost immediately. 

Why  _ was it  _ that Grantaire called him Apollo? He had never put much thought into the matter, but now that he did, it was strange and he hadn’t a clue where it came from. 

"You've never told me," Enjolras said. 

"You've never asked," was Grantaire’s very short answer.

"I'm asking now," Enjolras said with a small frown that wasn’t even noticeable.

"Well, do you want me to fuck you or do you want me to recite poetry about the ancient gods of Greece?" Grantaire asked and really, what kind of answer did he expect to receive in response to that kind of question? Obviously —

"Both," Enjolras said as quickly as he could, a prominent smirk painted across his lips. "At the same time."

Good God, that would be hot. 

Grantaire laughed. "Maybe next time."

"Who said there's going to be a next time?" Enjolras asked and then he immediately kicked himself mentally.

_ Why  _ would he say something like that? Of course he wanted there to be a next time, so what could have possibly possessed him to say something as stupid as that?

He was truly an idiot.

He was in the middle of scolding himself for being so stupid when suddenly he squeaked — yes, he actually  _ squeaked  _ — when Grantaire wrapped his lips around Enjolras’ cock and swallowed him into the back of his throat. 

"  _ Fuck!  _ " Enjolras said breathlessly. "Fuck —  _ shit  _ — fuck, 'Taire!"

Grantaire pulled off of Enjolras’ dick wit an obnoxious _pop,_ and Enjolras wanted to yell at him for stopping while he just looked up with that _adorable_ smirk and simply said, “Yes?” 

“Well, don’t  _ stop!  _ ” Enjolras did, indeed, yell at him.

Grantaire had the audacity to laugh at Enjolras before he dipped his head down to suck his balls into his mouth. He moved his tongue slowly, licking and sucking. Enjolras lost track of all things he was doing, all the places Grantaire’s mouth was working. 

“Where — how the fuck — did you learn to — blow like — oh my fucking god, I can’t —” Enjolras may have forgotten how to breathe, and he may have forgotten what there was to do outside of laying in bed with Grantaire’s mouth all over him. He didn’t want to leave  _ ever,  _ he didn’t want to live his life, he didn’t want to do anything except be there, be this close to Grantaire forever.

“I know, I’m kind of like a sex god or something,” Grantaire sat up and Enjolras rolled his eyes but he couldn’t exactly disagree. 

“Why —” Enjolras sucked in a deep breath. “Why’d you  _ stop again?  _ ”

“You want me to fuck you or not?” Grantaire raised and eyebrow and Enjolras’ heart actually skipped a beat. “Because if you come down my throat that’s not going to happen.”

“Okay, okay,” Enjolras nodded quickly. “Okay, do it. Come on.”

Grantaire leaned over Enjolras so that he was whispering right in his ear. “I need a condom and some lube, then.”

Enjolras nodded. He pushed Grantaire off of him and slid off the bed, crossing the room to a desk. He struggled with desk for a moment, digging recklessly through the contents until he found what he was looking for and quickly gave them to Grantaire, crawling back onto the bed.

“Wow, Enj,” Grantaire laughed. “I’m impressed you’ve got these.”

Enjolras blushed a deep shade of red. “They’re — they’re actually Combeferre’s,” he mumbled.

“You’re too adorable for your own good,” Grantaire laughed.

“Whatever,” Enjolras snapped. “Can you just get naked already?”

“Whatever you want,” Grantaire smiled. He slid off the bed, pulled his shirt off and tossed onto the floor to join Enjolras’ clothes. He toed off his shoes and his socks, and his trousers and boxers went next.

Enjolras’ eyes raked over Grantaire’s bare body slowly, like every inch of Grantaire’s skin was something to behold.

It  _ was  _ something to behold, as far as Enjolras was concerned. 

Grantaire knelt down in between Enjolras’ legs, never taking his eyes off of him as he spread lube over his fingers. He barely had one finger in Enjolras’ ass before Enjolras was demanding a second, and then soon after a third.

“I’m ready, ‘Taire,” Enjolras groaned. “Come on, come on, come  _ on  _ .”

“Are you sure?” Grantaire asked seriously.

“  _ Yes!  _ ” Enjolras yelled, thinking about all the ways he could get Grantaire to hurry the fuck up, because telling him didn’t seem to be working, but Grantaire said, “Okay, okay,” and he was quickly rolling the condom onto his cock and coating it with lube.

“Hurry up,” Enjolras whined. “Hurry  _ up,  _ damn —  _ ah!  _ ”

Grantaire thrust in smoothly, without any word of warning, pressing his body flush against Enjolras’. Enjolras heard Grantaire’s breathing, hot and heavy, in his ear and he thought it might have been the most beautiful thing that he’d heard in a very long time. 

“Oh my god,” Enjolras hissed while Grantaire wiggled his hips a little, obviously giving Enjolras a second to adjust. Enjolras would have none of that, of course, as he had waited long enough by now. “Move, goddamnit,  _ move!  _ ” he shouted urgently. 

And thankfully, Grantaire did as he was told. He began to move. Slowly at first, but his thrusts grew faster, more erratic. Enjolras didn’t notice it, but Grantaire lost any kind of rhythm that he had started out with.

Grantaire’s hand curled around Enjolras’ cock a second later, first in time with Grantaire’s thrust before the strokes, too, lost their rhythm. Enjolras dug his nails hard into Grantaire’s back, dragging them slowly downward, grinning at the thought of the deep red scratches he was leaving behind.

“Oh god, Enjolras. Oh god, oh fucking god,  _ yes. _ ” Grantaire  _ groaned  _ deeply, and fuck it all,  _ that  _ was the most beautiful thing Enjolras had ever heard.

“I — Grantaire —” Enjolras said breathlessly. “I need to —”

_ I need to tell you something.  _

That’s what Enjolras had been aiming to say, anyway. Aiming to confess how in love with Grantaire he was before things got even further out of hand than they’d already gotten. 

Before he could get through the full sentence, however, he  _ came.  _ Of all the times he could have come harder than he’d ever done before, that wasn’t exactly the moment he would have picked, but it was a  _ fantastic orgasm.  _

Enjolras couldn’t even think straight but he did manage to grumble internally, just to himself, over the need for a condom as Grantaire followed him over that edge. He wanted to  _ feel  _ him. 

Grantaire had been right. He was pushy. And needy.

“Next time,” Enjolras said several minutes later when he’d regained the ability to speak and Grantaire was tying up the condom and throwing it away, “maybe . . . no condom,” he dared to suggest it. 

“I thought you said there wouldn’t be a next time.” Grantaire said and Enjolras was positively elated when Grantaire crawled into bed with him. 

Enjolras smiled. “I never said there would be a next time. But I never said there wouldn’t.”

Grantaire snorted. “You’re fucking hammered.”

“So are you.”

_ Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, after all.  _

“Yeah,” Grantaire said. “Go to sleep.”

Enjolras smiled at Grantaire one last time before he closed his eyes and succumbed to what would inevitably be some  _ very  _ nice dreams. 

***

Enjolras had fucked up. Enjolras had really fucked up and he knew it.

_ God  _ , how could he be so fucking stupid?

He woke long after the sun had risen to find that he was all alone in his bed, and he wondered for a few moments if the memories of the night before were all from a crazy wonderful dream. But no, he was sore all over and he was naked and there was a dark bruise on his neck.

He scrambled out of bed, knowing that he was at risk of being late for class as it was. He didn’t have time to lay around in bed all day and cry about his problems and think about how badly he had fucked up.

He hurried to dress himself, grabbed his bag of books, and ran out the door. He did his very best to push Grantaire from his mind, but he’d never been very good at getting Grantaire out of his head. 

He wasn’t sure where things would go from there, how he was going to tell Combeferre and Courfeyrac about this, or how he was going to avoid being question about that  _ fucking  _ hickey. 

In fact, there was only one thing he was at all sure of.

Grantaire was going to  _ hate  _ him.

**Author's Note:**

> Aight, my dudes, listen up. I know I said I wouldn't have this up for a while and then it took a day and a half, but I seriously make no promises about when part 2 from E's perspective will be up. It could be up in a week, it could be up in a month, I have no idea. So I want it stated, on record, that no promises of a deadline have been made. (I will, however, tell you that the next part will be titled "la douleur exquise",,, soooo make of that what you will.)
> 
> As always, all the love xx


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